Let us find our sparks in every moment
You can say it started off with an existential crisis mode. I wanted to end my year with a loud bang and do something memorable, something that’s life changing and imprinted in me for a long time. The bang has to be DEAFENING. I was crazy to not just sign up for my first ever overseas hike at Everest Base Camp, but I also completed my first 42km full marathon, a week later right after I returned.
Training for my first marathon made me realise a lot more than just the huff and puff of running. It taught me about myself that I didn’t know and recreated a different being.
Here are the 6 life lessons I gleaned from my first marathon experience.
My alarm rang at 4.45am. The eyelids were heavy and there was an inner groan that sounded like a mix of asking why and cursing at the same time. I tapped on my phone to silent the alarm, my spirit pulled me awake. This was one of the 6 alarms I would have to deal with for the week that each morning I woke up for my training.
Not going to lie, some days I wondered why I tortured myself by signing up a long hike and a full marathon back-to-back. Every now and then, a floating thought will hover over my head “just quit, it’s ok to not push this hard”. Afterall, the furthest I have ever ran was only 5km, and there were plenty of advice out there on not pushing too hard and to “listen to our bodies”.
Well, I did listen to my body. It just had a different voice. As it picked itself up out of bed, its voice echoed in my heart chamber. What did you hope to see about yourself after the marathon? My eyes widened as I brushed my teeth. I reflected on my answer while dazing in the mirror. I dreamed of accomplishing something that was not done before. Something that is challenging. Something that seems impossible, but it can be done. That’s it. I suddenly heard crowd cheers ringing in my ears. The image of me crossing the finishing line with pride in slow motion. The eye for the prize. It’s the knowing that’s it’s ok to set big goals. The feeling of a feat fulfilled. And so I pushed on the personal quest, my personal promise, that voice not be dismissed that easily.
To reach some destinations, a plan is necessary. Particularly when I didn’t have any experience in long-distance running before that (cray cray, I know). I researched on a running plan, set out my schedule, and let my discipline take me forward in following through the distances I have to clock each day. Not forgetting, deliberately factoring a rest day in that week is much needed, particularly when I’m pushing my body to its limits that I have not stretched before.
The plan has to be realistic and flexible, especially since I was juggling with the unpredictable schedule of my professional career. On days when I could not run in the morning, I would run after work. Ultimately, it ties back to my end goal for the week, the month, and my full marathon.
Needless to say, you can also have the perfect plan on what you set out to do, but there are elements that may throw a surprise at you, say weather changes. Focus on what you can control, adapt your schedule, and then move forward towards your goal.
Consistency is key. A marathon by its nature is a long haul process that one has to go through. From sustaining your stamina in months of training to pushing through the actual long run, particularly the last mile which somehow poses an extra challenging feat to cross, there’s little room to let go and fall back into what was before. The new constant was to wake up, rinse, repeat. It creates the necessary momentum needed to inch closer to the goal.
With each constant, each step, each kilometre that I continued to take, I build my small wins up for a bigger win. This creates a positive feedback loop necessary for me to reap the positive effects of what’s going right. While it may not seem apparent, it ultimately creates a behavioural or habitual change in me.
Running a marathon will take an immense amount of mental and physical energy to push through. I found it’s essential to have an attitude of perseverance and being willing to put in the hard work.
Yes, easier said than done. Especially during days when you want to fling your alarm clock or phone out of the window after some late nights the day before. I wish it was as simple as a machine being fed with an ingredient called doubt and spitting out perseverance for us to eat.
Then I realised metaphorically, my body, mind, and spirit are parts of a machine. It’s simply called ME. I’m feeding doubt and holding myself hostage even before the race started. I empowered the doubts and internal barriers more than what I have actually accomplished. And so I reflected. Week 1, I had hit simpler goals of 3km, second week, completing 5km, and third week in, my 8km was done. By the time I was training into my 10th week, I had run 22km, a little more than half a marathon in distance.
“I rode the momentum of what I had accomplished, one step at a time. Then I realise, those self-doubts are unfounded.”
I learnt that my resilience starts even before I ran the race. It’s about keeping my focus on the end point and holding on to the intention so tightly regarding what you set out to do. Every distraction, every doubt that seeps in, needs to be brought into awareness and not let it steer you away from your path.
As I gradually adapted to my new constant, I found new discovery as the distance increased. Not just in the mileage attained, but in becoming more present to the environment around me. Waking up before the run rises exposed me to the silence of the twilight. The in-between transition of night and day. Crickets call. Dew drops falling on my arms. Hearing my footsteps as the loudest noise in the quietness of the neighbourhood. That ambience and the emotional attachment to the serenity were addictive. Soon, I grew to look forward to this stillness. Somehow, the external world transcended and seeped within my inner being to getting attached to that state.
“In that moment, I embraced the vacuum of my own transition.”
Progressively, I would complete each milestone week after week. Learning about improvising my running form to my running shoes to my sustenance during the run. The reward was increasing my productivity, becoming more energised (surprisingly), and attaining a fat loss to boot. My reward? Going for a much needed massage or simply slurping a nice cup of my bubble tea (yes, with less sugar) for a major milestone attained (e.g. on my 22km, 30km, and 42km mark).
Till today, I realised I have transformed from a person who wakes up at 10am to a morning birdie. Always looking forward to catching the worm. The process taught me how I’m much more resilient than what I gave myself credit for.
Truth is, I was already limping at just the 8km mark on race day. Somehow, my knee chose to scream a sharp pain on that day and none during training. It was excruciating and I met the breaking point where I was seriously contemplating whether to pause and call it quits. The dilemma of listening to my body versus throwing my target and months of training away was a struggle. Thankfully, the pain dissipated as I slowed down, and the encouraging voice within me echoed to take it easy, and I paced myself as I observe my condition. Before I knew it, with each small stride, I reached the 25km mark. By then, my legs were experiencing fatigue, my spirit beaten. This was at the absolute point where throwing in the towel was super tempting. I ground to a snail pace of simply walking while wincing in pain. The pain gradually reduced. Each step in this last 5km felt therapeutic. It gave flashbacks of my entire training process, my decision, my insanity. When I straightened my focus and finally crossed the finishing line, my body exploded into an overwhelming sense of triumph. The cheers from the crowd werer muffled. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I had goosebumps. I did it. Finally. As I caught my breath and took in the surroundings, there was a sense of soothing comfort that washed over me. I realised, it was less of crossing the end of the race, but more of the entire process I pushed myself through for many moments that I told myself I couldn’t do it, and then I did.
“Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.”
– Christian D. Larson
